I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
