nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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