ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
