make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
