ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i now understand why vodka
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
