my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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