i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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