neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
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