Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am naked and annoyed.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
