It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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