ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
