47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
