Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
