Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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