Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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