Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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