last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
