I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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