I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bring me that man meat
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
