I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
