id be glad to
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I smell stomach acid.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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