I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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