I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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