singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
