I'm drive I can fine osifer
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
