They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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