I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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