sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
