Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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