Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
