Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
