they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
