It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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