Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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