the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
