there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
