I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
