so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
