There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
