he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
