I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
