If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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