It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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