i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
