So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
