So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
