I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
