you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
