R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
