I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
