I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
