I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is this the sara with the beer cane?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
