yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
