just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
