Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
