you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
