What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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