If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
