I'd wear matching sweaters with you
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
