i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
