yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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