I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
