Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
