If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
