Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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