Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
