Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
