I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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