So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
