Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
