Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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