I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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