i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
