I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
