; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
