the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
