i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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