Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
