Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
