Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
whose parrot is this?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
