Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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