I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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