Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
