also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
