True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
