Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize