i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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