i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
