You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you had me at cake vodka
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
