fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're a waste of cheezeits
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
