sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
