this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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