What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Im part way to drunk.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
