My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
did i just pee glitter
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
