Your tits are I can't wait for
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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