I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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