I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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