I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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