i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
