Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize