i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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