babies were throwing up all over the place
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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