So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
