The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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