speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize